Bits and pieces of my journal that I feel comfortable sharing. _____
Not a personal blog per-se, more of an expressive blog.
hannah called me to make sure i was okand stuff and i just was like trying to sleep so i didnt feel bad and she called me and i almost didnt answer but i did and i just feel like shit because i dotn wanna make her worry and i know shes having a fine time and is a lil yep but im just a pathetic person who sucks a lot and im stupid and i hate the way i am sometimes and hannah doesnt deserve to be dating someone who is shitty lik e me she deserves someone who is better and dosnt do stupid things when he’s sad and makes her happy all the time that’s whay she needs. im just dumb sometimes and im not self loathing i just, tis isjust how i am sometimes i guess and i really just wish i didnt even tell her i was feeling bad bc i didnt want to let her know i was liek this while she was out and
about because i know that like, im never out and about having fun much unless im with her and i just dont wanna ruin her nice times and i know i prolly didnt ruin i t but i still feel bad amybe ill just fall asleep and wake up and ill be snowed into my house and ill get to call into work and my boss will be like it’s fine no worries then i can stay in my house and die and turn into a cool skeleton.
not really but eyah. im just ashamed and i suck
nono dont look at it now! later! just enjoy you night, im gonna go tso sleep anyways
I keep ju tgetting these little waves of agifovrksdfmcwes sadness and it sucks and i just wish i wasnt like this because it happens so infrequently and for no reason and it’s dumb im dumb
I just dunno what to do.
I’m jut not having a good day and I dont know why at all because my life is really nice rn.
Im even excited for school.
But instead of being happy im bieng sad and getting drunk alone in my house at 11pm when i need to be at work at 7:30 in the morning because im just sad and looking for something to do.
I just want to be around people and not feel so shitty whati s wrong with me.
I just really wish i could text anyone so i dont feel so shitty ad i wish i could text hannah because she’s text ing me and i just feel really ashamed and dont wanna ruin her nice time because tbh she sounds like she’s having a nice time and that’s my only happy thought right now, so I want to keep that happy thought.
Im just stupid and idek why im sad.
#i wish someone could see this and text me but it’s late anyways and it’s on my side personal blog so my sister doesnt see it because i dont want her to and only like 6 people follow me anyways, and i doubt most of them even know it’s me.
I’t just nice to vent on here whe ni get down.
I’m sorry though ofr those who do follow me im just alone and drunk right now and i should be sleeping and getting rest for work but i guess im just a fuckin idiot lol.
Earlier today for some reason I was feeling intensely unhappy and sad. But my mood changed. Now I realize that no matter how unhappy I am I will always know that I have the possibility to be happy.
I really love my friends, I really love a certain wonderful person, and she loves me.